


Bound by Stardust

by Ravens_World



Series: we are all just stars, that have people names [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post 2x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: "Do you still love me?"
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: we are all just stars, that have people names [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062095
Comments: 43
Kudos: 204





	Bound by Stardust

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born from my need for someone to comfort Michael after the end of 2x09. Seeing him like that, crying and alone, it didn't sit right with me, so I wrote this!
> 
> Title comes from Your Soul Is A River by Nikita Gil (it's not really relevant to the story, I just think the line is pretty, lol)
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this!  
> Let me know what you think, please ❤

"Michael?"

Michael's head snapped at the sound of his name, and he looked up to see Alex frowning down at him with concern and something else he was too exhausted to pinpoint. 

Michael didn't bother to get up from where he was sitting on the dirt in front of the truck. "What are you doing here,Alex?" 

Alex eyed him for a second, his dark eyes searching his face for something. He must have found it, because he nodded to himself then walked closer to Michael's airstream. Michael watched as he dragged a lawn chair towards him and swallowed thickly. Besides Isobel, and Max more recently, Alex was the only person he allowed himself to truly open up to. Michael knew, if Alex asked, he would spill his guts right now. But he didn't want that. 

He'd noticed a pattern from most of his interactions with Alex as of late; it was almost like they had switched roles. More often than not, Michael was doing the leaving, while Alex was this steady, reassuring presence in his life. He'd tried to push him away, he'd been downright mean to him, but he was still there.

After getting used to pushing him away, and Alex _letting_ him, this change was something Michael didn't know what to do with.

When Alex settled in the chair, he cleared his throat. "What happened?"

Michael shook his head and scoffed. "I'm not talking about this, Alex."

"Okay," Alex replied easily and Michael was stunned. 

Alex raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "It's not like I'm the poster child for talking about feelings, so I don't have a leg to stand on."

Michael barked out a surprised laugh. "That was terrible. "

Alex shrugged and fixed a small smile on him. "Got you to laugh."

"Why did you come here, Alex?"

Alex eyed him with an guarded look that made him ache. "Because I'm worried about you. And I didn't like the way we left things. And because there's only so much pain a person can take before it becomes too much."

Michael snorted. "I think I've reached that point about a decade ago."

"No," Alex told him quietly, his hand feather-light on his shoulder. "You're made of tougher stuff."

Michael shook his head and then thumped it back, the hard metal of the truck resonating from the force of it.

"Hey," Alex said gently, and Michael opened his eyes to look at him. Sadness and worry were evident on his face, in the furrowed brows and the pursed lips, and the aching need to be in Alex's arms was suddenly very overwhelming and all-consuming. Alex, oblivious to his thoughts, squeezed his shoulder again. "I'm here."

Michael closed his eyes again. "Sanders wanted to adopt me. Tried to twice, actually."

Alex was stunned, going by the way his mouth hung open. Then he seemed to shake it off and regained his composure. "That's-"

"I should be happy, right?" Michael was aware that he sounded a little hysterical, but he thought he was allowed just this once. 

"Are you?"

Michael laughed, and he was surprised by how hysterical it sounded. "I'm not. I'm starting to think I never will be."

Alex gave him an unimpressed look. "Don't be dramatic. You've been happy, Michael." Then he shrugged and smiled wryly. "It just never really lasted long."

Michael snorted but said nothing. His eyes never left Alex's. 

"I do get it, though."

"Get what, Alex?" What he wanted to say was, you don't get a damn thing, but he was way too tired to pick a fight with Alex right now. And, loathe as he was to admit it, picking a fight with Alex would make him leave, and Michael didn't want him to. He was relieved that he wasn't alone right now. Just like the previous night, having Alex with him gave him the sort of peace that he'd always longed for. No matter what was going on between them, being close to Alex calmed the chaos in his mind in a way that only music could.

"Why you're not happy about finding out someone on this miserable planet wanted you."

Michael swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at his shaking hands. Then, in a move that probably surprised them both, he lifted himself away from his slouch against the truck and tucked himself forward, resting his head on Alex's knee. It took a few seconds, but then Alex had his hand in Michael's hair, fingers gentle but firm as they combed through his curls. This felt like coming home, and Michael wondered when he lost sight of what Alex truly meant to him. Alex spoke then, quiet and knowing. 

"When I came back, I had no place to go to. And then I found out that Jim left me the cabin and- I knew what I was supposed to feel- happy, grateful- but all I could feel in that moment was resentment." He heard take a deep breath and though he wanted to see his face, Michael didn't want to move away, not when this was the first time in a long time everything felt quiet in his head. "The guy gave me a roof over my head and I resented him for it, because it was a confirmation that he knew what was going on when I was a kid, and didn't do anything about it."

Alex lightly pulled at his hair to get him to look up at him, and Michael looked up at the other man. "People like us never respond to these things normally. You get to be mad at the world, Michael, for not giving you Sanders when you were a kid, when you really needed him. You get to be mad at the system for not allowing him to take you in and then sticking you in one bad place after the other."

Michael closed his eyes and turned his head away. He was relieved, that he didn't have to explain, that Alex just understood. His throat hurt with the effort it took to keep the tears in. He felt a hand cup his cheek and immediately put his left hand on top of Alex's to keep it there. 

"Wallow, cry, scream, break things. But after all of that is done? Let it go and then let yourself be happy about it and remember that you may not have had Sanders to love you, but you were loved, Michael. By Max and Isobel. By me," his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, looking away from Michael.

"By Liz and-" he took a deep breathe. "-Maria."

Michael noticed the pain in his voice when he said her name, and his heart ached for him, for them, for what they could've been. He tried to fake a smile, but probably failed miserably. "Alex-"

He stopped, because he couldn't for the life of him figure out what to say to any that. And, god, the mention of Maria flooded him with guilt. He hadn't spoken to her since he found out Sanders was Walt. They'd gone a whole day without talking or texting and he'd only noticed now when Alex mentioned her name. 

He knew he should want her there when his world was falling apart, when he was falling apart, but if he was honest with himself, he didn't. Having Maria here would mean Alex wouldn't be, and he didn't want that. The mere idea sent his heart rate skyrocketing. He wondered what that said about him and his relationship. 

"-ichael?" He snapped out of it and realized from the worried look on Alex's face that he'd been trying to get his attention for a while now. "You okay?"

"I'm so goddamn tired of this."

Alex brought his chair closer and leaned his elbows on his knees, giving him his full attention. Michael had to force himself not to inhale deeply in an effort to catch a hint of his scent. He allowed himself two seconds to let the ache of missing him consume him, and then he pushed it all down. Missing Alex was something he was used to, but he'd never had to do it while he was so damn close. 

"Tired Of what?"

He took a second to refocus on the conversation before he opened his mouth, only to close it when he found he didn't have an answer. There were so many things going wrong in his life right now that he didn't even know where to start.

"Do you still love me?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he swallowed hard as he waited for Alex's reaction. 

Alex froze for a few seconds, didn't even breathe, then recoiled away from him, snatching his hand from underneath his with a quick intake of breath. Then he was up and walking away from him faster than he'd ever seen him move.

Michael cursed and scrambled to get up. He caught up to him just as he was about to close the car door. He barely managed to get to the door and kept it open just barely. Alex glared at him.

"Let go," he told him in a carefully measured voice, tugging on the door uselessly. "Michael," he snapped. 

"I shouldn't have asked you that."

Alex glared at him. "You're damn right you shouldn't have." Their game of tugging war ended with Alex rolling his eyes and letting go of the door. He clutched the steering wheel with both hands and looked forward. 

"You chose her, Michael. Twice."

"I know."

"I was fucking ready to let myself be with you, without being so goddamn _scared_." He squeezed his eyes shut and Michael felt the prickle of tears as he saw the airman's face screw up in pain. "I waited here for you. For _hours_. But you didn't show up."

"I-"

"I've been trying like hell to let you go, to be your friend, to be someone you can count on."

"You are." 

He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. "Why ruin it then?!" 

Michael shrugged with a humorless smile, then let out a shaky breath. "'Cause it's what I do?"

Alex rolled his eyes. He tugged on the door again, and this time, Michael let him close it. In that moment, knowing that Alex was going to drive away, that this would be another one of their conversations that would end in one of them storming off made it just a little bit harder to breathe.

Alex didn't turn on the car and Michael didn't move from his spot. Their eyes locked and Michael saw the exact moment the anger drained out of Alex. His shoulders slumped and he shook his head and thumped it on the head rest. "Are we really not capable of having one normal conversation?"

Michael laughed, giddy with relief. "Guess not." And he figured the reason for that was that they both knew each other so well that they knew exactly which buttons to push, whether intentionally or not.

"Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"I-" Alex pursed his lips, then exhaled heavily. "I shouldn't be saying this to you, because it would make me a really, really bad friend, But-" Alex looked him right in the eye. "I love you. I've been in love with you since I was seventeen and I never stopped. I never will stop, no matter what you do or say. No matter where you go, that is something that will never change."

Michael stumbled away, his heart in his throat. He couldn't process what he'd just been told. He believed him, there was no way he wouldn't; not with the way Alex was looking at him now, earnest and loving and so damn steady. His love for Alex was a fact of the universe. The sky was blue. Aliens existed. And Michael Guerin was, and always will be in love with Alex Manes. 

To have Alex confirm that that was the case for him too, shifted Michael's view on every conversation, every interaction they'd ever had, and it was too much for him.

When he opened his mouth to say something, anything, Alex lifted a hand to stop him. Michael was relieved because he wasn't sure he could actually form words at the moment.

"I know I shouldn't have said it, but I needed you to know. This changes nothing, Michael. I'm still your friend. I'm still here whenever you need me. And-" he took a deep breath, and Michael could see a small crack in his calm facade. "I know you're happy with Maria, and- it seems we never get the timing right."

"I-"

"Please don't say anything?" Alex pleaded with him. "I didn't say it for you to say it back. I just- you have a lot more questions than answers in your life at this point, and whether or not I love you should never be one of them."

Michael watched him smile at him one last time. Watched him drive away from him, and for the first time, watching Alex Manes move away from him didn't break his heart. In fact, it may have mended it a little bit. Because this time, it didn't feel like an ending, but a beginning. 

And it gave him hope.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys enjoy this!  
> Let me know what you think, please ❤


End file.
